Man....I don't Know!!!

You know, sometimes a Brother just gets something stuck in his eye. Just bugs him, pestering and irritating. You think, what the hell are you doing fool.

We all got things in our lives that we love to do. Driven to get better, passion to excel. Extracurricular activities. On the side. We love then, can't get enough of them, think about them, obsess if you will. But in the end, they are just hobbies, sports, activities....a way to take your mind off the grind of everyday man. We may love it, need it, crave it, push other factors of our lives aside to make room, but in the end it is just a hobby......If it don't pay the rent, then.....son....... you got yourself a hobby. If you can find a way to pay the rent doing it...more power to ya, but at our age.......sorry man that ain't going to happen. Some would say they become a distraction.

I am not saying that, but some would (the distraction part, anyway).

What are the important things.......The things that need immediate attention. Commitments, promises.....your responsibilities, your Kids, your spouse. Sometimes they aren't fun, are about more than you, but they're yours and you must reach out and embrace them, grab them and hold on tight.....cause Brother, sometimes they take you to a place you don't want to be. Next thing you know, your like, "What the F#*&, how did I get here."

Makes the world go round. Don't commit if you cant come through.....

Sometimes people just bug me. Bale out on a great thing.....cause its hard, and it gets in the way of play time with the kids. What worthwhile thing in life isn't hard? Give me one........Something fulfilling.....Give me one.

Anyway.....Sometimes...... it sticks in your eye and bugs you, it eats at you, causes the stomach to turn........and you think, Man.......what are you doing?

Latenight Shuffle

The kids gots themselves some colds and I have been spending a lot of time doing the latenight room to room shuffle. Cough, wheeze, cough...shuffle, shuffle.....pat, pat, pat....deep breath...Z'zzz. Wait one hour......repeat. Waking up at 4:20 does not work very well on that schedule if you want functioning neurons later in the Day.

So......to the trainer I go. Cycling.tv and a towel to wipe away the drops as the sweat stings the eye ball. Oh, how I love the morning ride. The cold that creeps into the bones. The first 10 minutes is pure torture, but then bliss..........

Warmth creeps out from the inside, the engine starts to purrr and then the skin becomes clammy and sticky sweet.

Too Freakin Cold

It's supposed to be 31 freakin degrees tomorrow morning at dark thirty. My morning ride buds from the hood are bailing and this little tickle in the back of my pie hole has left me thinking about the trainer and sweat pooling on the floor below me. It's that or frozen cheeks and water bottles.

It is really hard to talk when you are riding in 31 degree weather.

Oh...but I do love the morning ride (more to come on that), and I know the die-hards will be there. JH, Beers4, GVnata, and that French guy, Mellon Ball. I want to get out there and push um down, but nay, sense and sensibility force me to rethink.

I will let you know what I decide......

Nice Day

Today was one of those beautiful winter days in the Central Valley. Crisp, clean, blue skies, with the Sierra in full effect. Patterson Bluff rising out of the valley, the giant granite monolith shining in the sun. You know the air is crystal clear when you can see that huge beast of a rock from freeway 41.

Lots of people know about the cliffs in Yosemite, the granite monoliths of Kings Canyon, but few know of Patterson. This 2,000 foot giant rises up out of the Sierra foothills and casts its weighty view over the central valley like a sentinel on guard against the oppressors of our day.

It seems so close. Like you should be able to reach out and touch it. Fact is, it's a 3 hour drive and a nasty bush whack through poison oak covered slope to get to its base. No Fun.

Today the San Joaquin River Parkway and Conservancy trust hosted their holiday cheer festivities out at the Coke Hallowell Center for river studies, a fancy name for the River House. It is a lovely restored late 1800's farm house off of Old Friant Road.

Anybody who has done a ride from The Berg has most likely gone past this gem. Lovely place. The conservancy does wonderful things to promote river awareness and has been buying up large pieces of land along the river to protect this natural wonder right in our back yards. Stop buy and check it out.

The Fresno wildlife rehabilitation center was there showing off some off their best selections of avian species saved from the clutches of death. This fabulous Peregrine was saved from the grave after some knuckle-head took a pot shot at it and damaged its wing. Now this representative of the fastest bird species in the world is flightless. Still amazed by the idiots.

I can remember a time when Tracy and I were up at Yosemite point and two Peregrines were doing a dance for our sole enjoyment. Rising up from the Valley floor on thermals they would soar high until they pointed their wings back and morphed into a avian bullet and shot past us 20 yards away at 180 mph straight down 3,ooo feet into the valley. The two twisting and turning together in a spiraling love dance. Performing their splendid aerial show while we sat awestruck by their acrobatics. Amazing creatures, living in a vertical world.

I have had many experiences with these wonderful birds over the years in my time hanging from ropes high up on the granite cliffs in the Valley and every one is inspiring. They watch you, you watch them, and then they shoot off, masters of their domain.

The encounters never get old.

Work Trips and Tripping Gamblers

Monday was another one of those 15 to 1 ratio days, except the client was late and we only met for 45 minutes. Nice. It is always interesting going to the SF airport. What a great place to people watch, travelers struggling to lug their oversized carry-ons and micro-suit cases.

There is always the usual victims, the frazzled coat and tie, hippy trustafarian on his way to Nepal, or whatever is the new cool place to go using grand-ma’s money. The retired gamblers on their way to Las Vegas to play the nickel slots. Great place to see all the latest in high tech gadgets, everybody’s got a freakin lap-top and smart phone. People would rather watch DVD’s on their computer than simply read a book. That always amazes me, all the good books out there and you can’t wait to fire up the computer and watch Die-Hard for the 20th time.

Seeing how it is Turkey week, the airports are especially packed. Alberta, Chicago, Phoenix, Eugene, Salt Lake City, they all do it the Airport shuffle. It is amazing how people can be so tan in November, and I don’t think I have ever seen so many little dogs in little dog carrying bags.

So many people, smiling, scowling, tired, little kids cruzing with their bags looking around at all the newness there is to see. Old men, black socks and sandals, college kids on their way home, short shorts and Ugg Boots.

Enough of that airport fun.......

Last Saturday I hooked up with Dan, Mike and Jim to catch the 5:30 morning ride. Put in three plus hours and be home for Soccer. I suggested 211 to Spring Valley and then home. Sounds good. I love 211, what a nice ride. A snaking little back road with minimal traffic, some climbs but nothing that will destroy ya. Mike and Jim had to turn around and be back by 8. Dan and I roll along and we get passed by a dude in a silver 1984 BMW and he waves with a gracious grin. How are you doooing. We ride on chatting as we spin the 25 up the steepest part of the climb, chatting, smiling, taking in the sunrise and feeling lucky to be out. Really, that is an important thing to think about, we are lucky to be out. With all that life deals you and other responsibilities it is such a luxury to have free time to ride.

We continue on and I tell Dan about how every time I ride this road somebody stops to ask me directions to the local Indian Racheria and Casino. You see Table Mountain Rancheria opened up a casino near Millerton Lake about 15 miles out of town years ago and it has become quite a monster. You can roll past there any morning of the week at 7:00 am and the lot will be packed. It amazes me still that people would want to spend their time doing that. Oh well, I won’t get on that soap box. The endless traffic that rolls past on Friant and Auberry probably think the same thing about me.

“Why in the Hell would you want to ride you bike all the way out here? Put some freakin clothes on you spandex wearing fag, get off the freaking road!!!” As the bags of fast food trash and cigarette buts are ejected out the sun roof.

Anyway, it always happens, they come off the 99 to the 145 miss the right hand turn that takes you down to Friant and end up in nowwheresville with a pocket full of cash and no place to lose it.

“Yeah Dan happens every time”
“Really”
“No doubt”

Just then the dude in the 1984 Beamer, comes rippin around the corner, slams on his brakes rolls down the window. In broken English…”Hey, yous guys know where the Casino Table is?” Stalls the car.

Dan can’t control himself and has to roll away to keep from laughing in the guys face.

“I am really lost huh?”

‘Yeah Man…..You are”

So I give the dude some directions and he is off to lose his rent money.

Who will it be next time?

Holidays….

I have one more thing to add…….Went to the mall to get the chillins some new shoes.

I hate the freakin Mall…….

Sight to behold

So, yesterday was my Birthday. I turned 35.

Don't really look into numbers so I can't really find any significance in 35. 5 tell 40, half past 30. Went for a 3-hour ride with 17 guys from the team. I was quite a nice size group. We just keep on growing ya'll, don't know what to say....Cool.



Got a few nice gifts from the fam and went to a very nice Dinner at Vini, Vidi, Vici down in the tower. Finn scored 4 goals in his soccer game. But the coolest thing of the day was this.



There she is on the bike....riding. Lovely!!

She Walks

Tracy got the Green light to ditch the crutches whenever she wants. Actually Dr Lindval said two more weeks with one crutch then .....crutches go bye bye. When he said it I was thinking two more weeks, F*%K that. But he went on and clarified, no, use them if you need them, don't want you to walk around limping.....feel it out.......test the muscles, cause girl...its going be a bit painful and stuff.

So, That was Monday and slowly this week they are going away. Nice, but she has had to deal with pain. Her muscles are sore from PT and her foot hurts. I guess three months with no pressure, then bang.....to have the ground pushing up on your foot would cause some uncomfortableness. Weird thing was, she went to her first PT session and rode the recumbent stationary bike, got a little sweat going. She said it felt really GOOD BABY.

That was Tuesday, on Wednesday she took a nose dive and had a horrible day. Discussed it with her homoeopathic chiro-doc-vitamin-herb-guru-dude and he tells her to take it slow, that after that long a period of time without any lactic acid in the system, then bang a big dose, it can send your mind for a loop. Depression, exhaustion.......He was right she felt it the next day, one of the worst days she has had in a long time. But once she heard from someone in the know that that is what was going on ...the fog lifted and she felt better knowing it was a chemical thing.

It is so great to see her smile and watch her walk a little. No crutches to get in the way of hugs. We will have to do something with those things. Suggestions Anyone?

Happy Belated Holloween!!!

Ramblings of an Infrastructure Planner

I stare out the driver side window and look out over the miles and miles of row crops that stretch as far as the eye can see. The fruit basket of the west flows past me to the melodious drone of the tires on grooved asphalt. Cruising along at 75 they blow past in a blur of green and brown, occasionally broken up by a canal or ditch bank.

It is one of those glorious Fall afternoons, clear skies and the rear view mirror revels the towering Sierra Nevada. In front of me the Coast Range sticks up like a small distant cousin. The two ranges spilling their souls over the eons to form the alluvial plane that feeds the millions. It’s only an hour drive to The Baths, but it always seems longer. The ever-present fear of the mustachioed, Ray-Ban Pilot wearing, donut eating, CHP officer stroking the radar gun tucked between his legs. Toothpick tucked in the corner of his mouth.

I have been a consultant to the City of the Baths for several months now and an interesting image has come into my mind. This City is still growing on the back of the Bay. Like low-lying ground accepting the floodwaters, The Baths accepts the multitudes that spill over and escape the grip of the Tri-Valleys, and the rest of the I-580 corridor. The snaking trickle of that leading edge of the water wiggles its way to the lower portion of the garden searching out the lowest spot until it settles in and begins to percolate.

The people seek out something else that is lower. They look to the farthest reaches of their tolerance for the car and settle into a community, only to leave it for most of the day, then return on the backs of their octane powered chariots to settle into the 2 month old home in a 100 year old City. Nearly half of its residents commute to the Bay every day to work. If your job takes you to the City, then that’s 4 hours of driving a day.

I could not do it.

I was thinking about that statistic for a moment. Cities like Los Banos, Santa Nella, Patterson, Tracy, they have evolved from the beginning due to the need for a place to stop, transportation could not get you to where you wanted to go fast enough and you would need to rest. The clop, clop of the horse gets old and you need to wash the dust off. Trading posts evolved to refill your 1-horse powered chariot, and your thirst for a little brown bag. Eventually people settled down and raised cattle and planted a few things. But still, it was just a stop and the growing stalled. As transportation got better, there was no need to stop, and over the years the vitality diminished as people drove on past. Everybody knows the story, but now, new life, a new beginning. Transportation (the car) has gotten so easy that you can live and commute to the farthest reaches of your abilities. These cities have grabbed hold of this and built their communities on the daily transients. It has interesting ramifications on a City, gone by day return at night. Families living their lives apart from each other, separate realities.

The Cities die by the car, and now live again by the car. The black strip of asphalt becomes the new lifeline to economic vitality.

The City keeps on growing, stretching its tentacles farther and farther out into the soil and wetlands making room for more babies and flowerpots. But now, they want the people to stay, planning business parks, industrial centers and community college campuses. The thought is, eventually they will break down, grow weary of the wretched commute and crave something close, something community, something more in the backyard. So the City keeps on planning. Lying pipelines underground to carry the waste, building water lines and treatment plants to quench the thirst of the weary traveler. Revitalizing the City center, waiting for them to stay, walk, and stroll. Reluctantly they finally let go and say goodbye to the high rise and the culture they so long have grasped to still be a part of.

Finally, again, the beginning of a new life, or so they hope.

Power-Tap vs. iBike

So I am delving into the world of power measurement. Like I really want to see how much, or not enough power I can kick out when I try to turn them over.

Borrowed an iBike from my Brother who went over to Ireland for the year and decided to give his body a break. It’s one of those back calculate wattage sort of deals that takes into account wind speed, road angle, combined rider and bike weight, moon phase to take into consideration tidal forces on the earth’s gravitational field. Runs some sick algorithm to tell you how much pain your in.

So I strapped it on the handlebars a few weeks ago and have been riding around with it. I am a minimalist when it comes to having things strapped to my machine. I like the lines simple, clean and elegant. The less the better, so I wasn’t to impressed with the size of the thing, and there was no stem mount option which isn’t really that big a deal, but I like to run with the forearms on the bars sometimes and computers mounted there get in the way, and throw off my total one-ness with the position.

Then a good friend let me borrow a Power Tap, so I thought, “Lets run both and compare the wattage to see the difference.” Unfortunately, I don’t have the download cable yet for the PT, then I could do real comparison and get statistical and all that. I could manipulate the results to say whatever I wanted. Kind of like industry sponsored research projects.

Anyway, the PT is a much more streamlined unit with a stem mount option. The controls are very intuitive, unlike the iBike where you are risking certain death trying to navigate the controls without reading the instruction.

Just like any new piece of software, I like to try and operate it without looking at the instructions, if you can figure most things out by intuition, then I feel the designers have done a good job. But that is a minor point. The big question is how do the units compare. Which one gives me the most bang for the buck, so that I can try to squeeze out every last bit of sick wattage.

Well, I noticed that the iBike was approximately +- 50 watts to the PT when you got above 150, and when you check in at 185, it is pretty easy to hit that mark once the road tilts up even a fraction. The PT was much more stable with both running output ever 1 second. Plus the PT has virtual cadence, which I guess is pretty cool. I think the real issue is cost, $300, versus, over $1000 (you can get a PT brand new for $800 or so on Ebay).

Anyway who really cares, just something to occupy the mind when you are numbing it during intervals.

All this talk of wattage and output files, calculation time steps and the like. Dangaa……I feel like I am at work. I remember when I would just go out and ride for fun. Me and the crew from the hood would roll at 5:05 am and try to beat the living crap out of each other. Man, I remember having to get all psyched up for the morning. Eat right, go to sleep early, and roll out of bed at 4:20, cup of coffee, banana, and march down the gravel drive in my mountain bike shoes to clip in.

It was always a race, mostly smiling faces, but sometimes nerves would get frayed. The goal was to get some exercise, ride faster than last time and stomp on your buddy, generally have a good time. Man…..I loved those morning rides, they led me to race my bike again, and the quest to get faster became all encompassing. How can I use my time more wisely, get the most out of my miles. When you can’t train 15 hours a week, you need every advantage you can get to help out. So now I am staring down at this little yellow box and letting it guide me.

Most of the Brothers understand, and go along with it, some even love the intervals, sprint training and slow base miles.

But every once in a while, we all just let it rip……I have to say, it is pure fun. Just like I was six again, rolling down the street in cut-offs, checkerboard slip-on vans, and a sleeveless Hulk tee, bruised knees and dirt under the fingernails.

Racing feels like that. Whether it is 5:05 in the Old Fig hood, or 1:30 in some coned off industrial park. Crazy, mad, sick fun.


Later

Ask and You Shall Receive

(Click to Inlarge)

The shot on the right shows the fractures in the iliac. You can see the break that runs all the way down and into the joint space (acetabulum). The break actually starts as two fractures that come together. The two breaks created a large floating piece that needed to be stabilized. The lower break on the pubic bone, you can't really see, the circle shows what I thought was the break but it is actually on the right side as well.

On the left you an see the hardware used to stabilize the breaks. A 4 inch plate across the top of the iliac arch that was attached with 4 screws and a long pin. The longer plate was placed to stabilize the break of the acetablulum. Doc Lindval used 5 screws to fasten that sucker.

October 29th

This Tuesday will be eight weeks since surgery and Tracy has been progressing well. We finally went to her second post-op check up last Monday and things are looking good. She was released to drive and her time on crutches was cut by one week.

So the big day is now set at October 29th. No more freaking crutches, walker or wheelchair. There have been times when I thought Tracy was going to chuck them through the window. Be rid of the offensive aluminum sticks that have for the last 8 weeks become her surrogate appendages.

Although, at that point I will be at a certain disadvantage. You see, now I can hear her coming. The distinctive click, click, click of the crutches lets me know when she is rounding the corner. The one thing that has been plaguing her the last 5 weeks is post concussion vertigo.

It started in the middle of the night. Tracy woke me up and was panicking. The world was spinning and she was terrified. Like one of those drunken nights where you need to hang your foot off the side of the bed and place it on the ground to make everything better. That is until you end up puking all over the floor next to toilet, if you make it that far. It comes and goes, is the worst in the morning but sometimes lasts all day. She saw a neurologist yesterday and he said that in 90% of these cases it will go away in a couple of months. She is excited to start physical therapy and we have a clinic picked out that is owned and operated by a couple local riders. They do PT, and positional exercises that help with vestibular issues that cause vertigo.

It will be good for her to have an outlet, to push her body and sweat. We are really looking forward to the 29th. My B-Day is the 3rd of November, so everybody be thinking about what you want to get me. Tracy walking will be one of the best presents I could ever get. Although, a power tap would be a close second.

Ramblings

My friend Brian Boudreau was hit by a car while going out to the 5:30 am ride two weeks ago. The lady that hit him was not looking and creamed him from behind. Fractured his femur in three places, broke 6 ribs, badly bruised his shoulder and punctured his lung.

Man…..what a bout of bad news we have faced lately. The secretary from the office got a call the other morning. Her 20 year old brother was killed while driving to work early on Monday. A good friend breaks the news that his wife has breast cancer, and a coworkers fiancé was in an automobile accident in Belfast and he had to jump on a plane Friday afternoon go take care of her.

Bad news rolling in like the tide, nothing can stop it. It just keeps on coming. Sometimes it is hard to find perspective.

I got an e-mail from someone close questioning why we ride bikes and weather it is safe. He is a rider and someone who has left the sport in the past, found the love again and has become addicted to it.

Ah the ride….roll out of the driveway and down the street, into the hills or across town. I have enjoyed the freedom for so long, it is hard to imagine life without it. How much caution do we need to take. Is it worth it?

I was having a conversation with Tracy the other day. We were discussing how every person we know who has been riding for any considerable length of time has been involved in some sort of crash. Racing, riding, training, crashing….they all seem to go together. Does it mean that we stop doing what we love, what makes us feel alive? Think about all the hours that all those people have spent on the bike. Hundreds of thousands of hours spent on the bike that not only create a healthy person, but also show your kids that a healthy lifestyle is good. Do you need to ride your bike to stay healthy? No….but who wants to spend all that time in the four walls of some club. Get out and feel the wind in your face.

I have a friend from Holland and she was telling me how they used to ride their bikes everywhere when they were younger. 10 miles to school, 6 miles to swim practice. In Holland….Think about the weather in Holland, partly cloudy with a little sun and a few showers is a great day. Now she tells me that her sister and brother in law have two cars and drive everywhere. Their kids are overweight. They drive everywhere, and gas is 8 bucks a gallon. They are both overweight. She thinks that wealth has made them lazy…..interesting concept. Have to think about that.

My last post was about the passion of it all, the need, the itch to get out and ride. How important is fulfilling that need in your life. I got a comment form a guy from Tucson about how his wife was thrown from a horse and spent two years recovering. They stopped risking, living, riding for a while and they realized that they felt dead inside. Irritated, frustrated. The most interesting thing was that the kids could feel it in them as well. They realized that living is better than cowering in fear.

Adrenalin can be addicting, but I am not talking about adrenalin. I am talking about feeling your body working, moving your muscles and getting out in the air and taking it all in. Feeling the sun on your face, close your eyes and feel it through your skin. Experiencing, living it, loving it.

For me it really comes down to this. Do you trust God with your safety? I am not saying test the limits or devote your whole life to it. I am saying you can’t be afraid to live. The fact remains, rain falls on everyone, and how you deal with it is the real question, the test. Adversity brings out the real person in you and it is so important to find out who that real person is.

Why do we crash and get hurt. Sometimes crap just happens, but sometimes the surgeon has to make a few cuts to fix the problem.


My 2 cents

15 to 1 Ratio

So….. I have been working for a client down in Riverside County and we have monthly progress meetings in Lake Elsinore.

Take 4 flights:

Get up at 3:45 am jump in the shower and rush out the door at 4:20. Get to the airport at 4: 35 and grab my ticket for the 5:15 flight to San Francisco. Come around the corner and see a huge line for security. That’s ok….still got some time.

Hump……Waiting…..Dam this line is moving slow. There is a couple in front of me, looks like they are going on some trip to the City. Quarter to five, pitch black outside and she has got her visor on to shield her eyes from the glare. Tight grey turtleneck and black stretch pants.

I really shouldn’t talk. I lost my glasses two weeks ago and have resorted to wearing my prescription sunglasses in the office, at night, watching TV, in meetings. What a dork. Anyway,….This lady in front of me is obviously ticked that the line is taking so long…….grumble, grumble, grumble.

Wife: “This is awful”

Husband: shrug look over, “huh”

Wife: “Oh guy…..this is awful”

Husband: shrug look over, “huh”

Wife: “You know what this is like”

Husband: Shrug, “huh”

Wife: “This is like a colonoscopy first thing in the morning”

Nice. Instantly I have an all too vivid picture in my head of something I don’t want to be thinking about.

Wife: “What is taking so long, Is this lotion more than 3 ounces, what a pain”

Husband: Shrug and look away as if he has heard this griping for 30 years. In one ear and out the other.

We get up to the security boarding pass ticket checker person and she asks the couple for their tickets and ID’s.

Wife: This is awful…..we have been flying for years.

The ticket checker looks and gives her a smile like, “Shut up, I could care less, just move along and get going. It is people like you that make this whole process slower than it needs to be.”

Ticket Checker: Bye, Bye……Like that SNL skit with the flight attendants

Bye, Bye……Now get out.
So we keep moving along snaking through the line, you know the type. Up and down like at Disneyland. We get to the conveyor belts for the x-ray machine and I am faced with a decision. Right lane or left? Right looks good, but there are a couple of ladies struggling to take off their shoes. Left is the couple. The woman is still shaking her head.

I chose left, at least I will have some entertainment. Take off my shoes, get out the computer, take off the belt, remove any change. The couple in front is a zoo. She sends her carry on through but forgets her boarding pass.

Boarding pass…….

Wife: Oh…It is in my bag, this is awful.

She finally gets it and moves on through. By now the other line is moving like melted butter, but still I wait. Now it is the husband’s turn.

Boarding pass…….shuffle, shuffle. He digs it out of his pocket.

Please remove your jacket. Grumble, grumble, shuffle, shuffle

By now my flight is boarding. Finally, get through and run down the terminal. Reach the gate.

Passengers flight 6407 to San Francisco is delayed. Great.

It was only delayed for 10 minutes so I get to SF and make my connector to Ontario, get a ride down to Lake Elsinore and sit through a 1 hour meeting.

Time: 12:15. My flight leaves at 3:45 back to SF. Shuffle, shuffle, grumble, grumble. Go to lunch with the project manager from our Pasadena office. Lets just say there is not much to eat in Lake Elsinore.

Drive back to the airport and wait for an hour to catch the flight back to SF and then home. This guy comes up and stands against this wall where I am sitting and puts on his Bluetooth and starts talking to a buddy. There are tons of people around and he starts talking in this incredibly loud voice about everything he has been doing for the last couple of days. I don’t have a problem with someone having a discreet conversation in the background, but this guy was going into details that people really don’t need to hear about, complete with full on hand gestures and body movements to boot.

What was that phrase.......Too Much Information

Please, who really needs to here about your 30 minute facial and your 90 minute massage at the spa. I really don’t want to here about Jacky and how strong her hands are and how she really worked you. Please brother save it. I swear I was going to barf right on the spot.

Rolled into SF, grabbed a bento box and Sapporo and headed to my gate, jumped on the 6:00 CMB 120 and turbo propped back to the Berg.

Started my day at 3:45, I was in the car and heading home by 7:15.

15 hour day for a one hour meeting. Humm….something wrong with that picture. It still amazes me that we don't just teleconference. Face to face is how we need to do it. The old fashioned way. That way the client can see the consultant sweat. We live in a global economy and I am supposed to work efficiently with all this technology, but it still takes me 15 hours to complete a one-hour meeting.

Amazing.

Passion ....

What is it worth?

The itch, the twitch, the need. What is it worth to love doing something? When you see someone you love hurt, broken, because of the passion. A game. The question ..........It comes around..................Not from me, but from others. You hear it in their voices, and they change the subject.

Do you continue?

I have never thought about stopping, the risk, the ......the ......Passion.

I have always been a overly competitive person. Hyper competitive. Toss in speed, arching turns and wind in the face. Rubbing elbows, going cross eyed and drooling. Ramp it up and throw down at 35, ...........BANG........hooked.

When I was younger there were many times when apologies flowed over competitive juice. Make or break friendships over a game. Rage, angst.....flex your muscles.....yell, scream and kick the cooler.

Sorry Man..........Heat of the moment. Some understand, some don't.

Years ago I learned that I was better, without the rage. Control is good, breath deep, focus on the moment.

Ball sport stopped being that years ago, but there has always been a need, a something to channel the competitive blood. For a long time climbing filled it, but in a different way. Pushing your limits while terrified. The battle was against yourself, mostly your own mind. Doing something that requires skill, strength, balance, precision all the while fighting your minds inner demons that chant at you to quit. Failure was terrifying at times, but when you conquer...................Nice

Climbing long routes in Yosemite was an all encompassing deal. Think about it for weeks before. Get mentally ready, prepare for the pain, the fear, the...............freedom that comes with the torture. Rise up above the trees and view the world in a whole new light. Find yourself in amazing places, experiences that shape you. But still......... climbing was the best when it was over.

There were times when I just didn't want to do it. Didn't want to get scared, fall, mix physical hardship with mental struggle. A long time climbing veteran described climbing in this way.

"Climbing isn't fun. Climbing is like being put in prison for seven days with a loaded gun to your head the whole time."

Some can do it at a high level forever, some can't.

Cycling and racing is the physical challenge with the mental edge. Without the fear.......I had been down that road and now I needed the fun. That is why cycling has become such a focus in my life. The need to push the body, to feel the power that the muscles can generate, yet challenge the mind. I looked for it.

I had found it again. Now...........Stop............it is hard to even think about.

The underlying tone.

The ones closest to me who understand........understand. I don't need to do it forever.....am I being a child here. A spoiled little brat.......I want, I need, I need.

How much is it worth to me?

Comes down to this. Is this what I am supposed to be doing? What does God need me to do? I AM asking the question, needing to know the answer.

I put this team together ( http://www.vaporracing.com/) and everything fell into place. Sponsors, riders, great base to build from. It all came together by design. It was an amazing thing to watch, to be a part of.

The wins rolled in....kept moving up. Now I am there and I want to see how I match up, spread the name of the club and get the The Word out.

I struggle with how stopping now makes sense. Now.......Stop Racing?

Is racing really what the team is about? I just can't seem to come to grips with the thoughts. Can't seem to decide now, don't really want to think about it now. The focus now is on healing and support. Health and strength. Think about the thoughts.


Interesting thoughts....

Another Day....Another.....Uh

Yesterday we took Tracy to see the Doctor for her first post operative check up. It was her first trip out of the house since the trip home from the hospital. She put on a nice little top and some cute knickers.

I have to say she looked beautifully!

It was so good for her to get out of the house, to wear something other than a white v-neck tee and a pair of boxers.

The Doc was very upbeat and positive about the prognosis for her recovery. Tracy had a gazillion questions for him, and he was very patient and answered all thoroughly. The patients he displays is such a calming and reassuring quality. All Doctors should be such.

One thing he did note was that sex was ok...........Hum.......That's right...and I didn't even pay him to say it. I didn't even have to ask.....although I was thinking it.

Tracy's take......"Don't even think about it"

Shoot......

But seriously, it just means that the hip joint and the pelvis are healing and that the only thing that would delay recovery is if she took a fall. He did say that it would be the full 12 weeks before she could put any weight on the right leg, but that she can drive sooner.

She is feeling good and looking forward to getting out more and she is starting to miss the bike, which is a good sign.

Milestones Little and Big

You know the feeling........warm drops start to hit, penetrating the tiredness that creeps into the bones. The methodical pounding of the aquatic masseuse.


Tracy took her first shower in 17 days yesterday. When I got home she looked refreshed, glowing.


The scale of any major task can more easily comprehended when it is broken up into smaller parts. The mind celebrates with each tick mark. Tick um off, one by one. With each step you are closer to the goal, whatever that may be.


Taking a shower was a milestone. Dr. Lindval wanted her to wait ten days after the surgery to let the incisions heal. Before you know it she was standing in the warm wonderfulness, soaking in all the healing power that water has. 17 days is not the longest she has gone. She spent 30 days in the back country of the Washington Cascade's without a shower, but that is a totally different animal.


Climbing the rungs of a 700 foot tall ladder, take a step up, revel, and look to the next one. With each you see more of what lay around you, the possibilities and the avenues of life in which to travel. Until finally you reach the top and choose the next journey through life.


Quote of the Day



I was taking Finn to school this morning. His favorite mode of transportation is what he calls the three wheel bike. We cruz past the cars at Shaw and Palm. Blast past the enormously long line up of mini vans and SUVs that wait to gain access to the Gibson Elementary parking lot.

"Daddy"

"Yeah"

"How come everybody is in cars?"

"Why aren't they on bikes, or motorcycles or in planes?"

"Well........sometimes you have more than one kid that needs to go to school, or you have lots of stuff"

"But Daddy....all the kids could ride bikes"

"............Well.......your right, they could"

Thanks Y'all

I wanted to take a minute to say Thanks to all the folks out there who have taken the time to offer help, and provide support in so many ways. All the comments have been an inspiration to Tracy by just letting her know that her peoples are out there thinking about her.

She is doing well and improving everyday. She can get around fairly well with the walker or crutches and can get herself in and out of bed, in the words our of youngest Reed, "by her own self." The pain gets better everyday, and she says that now she can feel where the multitude of screws were placed in her pelvis.

It has been a week since the surgery and we still have a long way to go, but with improvement comes confidence and encouragement. On a side note, I am trying to get the before and after x-rays to show y'all the stainless steel bling-bling hardware. Stay tuned, hopefully this week.

On the Lighter Side

Finn started Kindergarten yesterday. We had been talking to him all weekend about it, and how he was going to meet his new teacher Mrs. Schnieder and learn how to read. All I have to say is parking was a bitch, had to walk a freaking mile. We were on time though.

Finn was apprehensive and didn't want to get out of the car, but with a little coaxing he walked the lonely mile to Gibson Elementary. The school has a great feel, and community atmosphere. PTA, parent volunteers, school tee-shirts, and all that cool kid stuff.

With all that has been going on, I haven't really had time to reflect on the magnitude of this day, the end and beginning of corresponding eras. The start of Finn's formal education (if you don't count pre-school). How will this experience shape him, and what influences will this have on him?

Interesting question.

I think back to what I remember about K-school. Fuzzy, hazy pictures come into my head. One stands out clear as a bell. This girl sitting next to me took a pee while sitting in the chair. I have to say.....that moment shaped who I am today. I keep reminding myself at work.....don't pee in your chair, don't pee in your chair.

I asked Finn how his day was.

"Daddy.......I missed you today."

"I missed you too"

He goes on to say in a quick, shrug the shoulders, turn and go play sort of way.

"I didn't learn how to read!"

Home.....Now What?

Tracy spent most of Tuesday sleeping. Morphine does not really sit well on her stomach and every time she would wake up and try to talk or sit up she would get really pale and sometimes a little hint of green would come through. Small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. We got her off the morphine and onto the Vicodin, but even with the Reglan for the nausea she would still have to fight back the waves. Nausea can be so uncomfortable. That hot sweaty feeling, churning stomach, bile coming up and filling the back of the throat. Loads of fun to be had.

Wednesday Tracy woke up feeling better, but still fighting the Nausea. The other issue she had been dealing with was the dizziness. She had a CTscan at Saint Agnes to look for any subdural hematomas in the brain, but that came back negative. Turns out dizziness is normal for people who spend extended periods of time on bed rest. The blood pools in the lower extremities and when you sit up or change positions rapidly the heart can't get blood to the brain fast enough and you feel like you had one too many tequila shots. Spinning, swooping, oh the joy of it all.

The physical therapist came in around 9:30 and started working to get her up and walking. It was so good to see her sitting up in bed. For the last ten days she could not move her right leg without feeling intense pain, shooting pain from the muscles pulling on the fractures. Now the pain was different. Soft tissues needed to be manipulated and pushed aside to allow instruments and fingers to get in and tinker with the broken skeleton. Dr. Lindval made two incisions to gain access. He used the existing scar site from Finn's C-section and created a new 5-inch long incision along the top of her hip. Her muscles and soft tissues are very sore and she moves very gingerly to limit the pain that pushes through the pain meds.

By Wednesday afternoon she was sitting up and making her way to the bathroom, very slowly. She tires very quickly as her blood volume is very low from the surgery. Hemoglobin is measured and expressed in terms of grams per deciliter (gm/dl) of whole blood volume. Adult women have a normal range of 12 - 16 gm/dl. After Tracy's accident her hemoglobin was 13.5, which was good, and meant she did not have much internal bleeding. On Wednesday morning her hemoglobin was 9.2 gm/dl. Then by Thursday it was down to 8.7. If somebody went out and tried to ride at a high intensity with those hemoglobin levels, it would be a humbling experience. Throw in 10 days of bed rest and.....well....I think you can figure it out. She grew extremely tired after a few steps and her arms were shaking from using the walker.

We were really looking forward to getting out of the prison that had been our reality for what seemed like a year, and my shoulders were really taking a beating from the trampoline that was my bed for the last week. I say that, but realize that our stay is nothing compared to what others have had to deal with. We are taking about orthopedic reconstruction of Tracy's hip and pelvis so she can have a normal health life. Normal health life....What a luxury...What a blessing. I saw people waiting to see if there loved ones were going to live. What about brain tumors, or cancer, or organ transplants. I can't even imagine having to sit and watch the closest people in your life struggle through that not even knowing if they are going to be alive. Forget about normal......how about alive.

We take it all for granted so easily. In a flash our reality changed. One second and everything changes. It forces you to view things in a different light, to see outside your tiny little world. Things that were once so huge, so important ......just aren't. I know as we get back into the swing.....my mind is already thinking about all the things I need to deal with at work, the hundreds of e-mails I need to wade through, this perspective will fade, but I hope it doesn't.

Tracy's was discharged on Thursday at 1:00 pm. It was interesting getting her in the car, good thing I am an engineer. I knew it would pay off one day. She squinted from the bright sunlight and the warm air felt foreign on her skin. We headed home with crutches, walker, and wheelchair in tow, and she asked me to cut the hospital bracelets off of her wrist to remove all physical memories from her body, and for the boys.

Now What?

Tray will have 8-12 weeks of non-wight bearing recovery. That means she cannot put any weight on the her hip, no walking without the help of our new aluminum friends, and no driving until we can be sure the fractures are totally healed. Seems like this trip has just started. Like we are driving to New York and we just reached Madera. But just like anything......it will end. The world just keeps on spinning and chemistry does its work. Slowly building new bone, super gluing her back together. Building the glue that binds our family together. Life would be so boring without adversity, struggle, to battle for what seems important at the time. Just got to keep on rolling on.

Pre-Op all the way to Post-Op

They woke us at 6:30 am……

You going to surgery? Huh…..Well……you tell me.

Can you still have babies?

What?

We need to do a pregnancy test on her!

This guy reminded me of a modern day pirate complete with thin dyed black mustache. Dark glasses, scrubs covering his Raider Nation tattoo. Tracy asked if the doctor would see us before the surgery. Yeah….who’s your doctor?

Dr Lindval.

Oh….yeah he’s real good. He will come and see you,...yeah.

He leads us over to the new section of the Hospital. The trauma center here at CRMC is a brand new $280 million building with state of the art operating facilities and trauma ER. Very nice. We move over from the old building into a walkway that connects the two buildings and the change is obvious. We move through automatic doors past signs that read; Authorized Personnel Only, Hospital Staff Only beyond this point and in to the Pre-Operation Room.

The Pirate shows me where the waiting room is. I get into the Pre-Op and he motions, come on back here. I am going to hide you back here. If they kick you out you can go to the Pre-Op Conference Room. Tracy was glad that I was there. I could tell she was nervous. She was not saying much and would just grab my hand, and give a gentile squeeze.

Pre-Op reminds me of an auto shop garage with stalls along each wall where the broken, battered, and sick come in and the human mechanics grab tools from the tool boxes of medical supplies. Patients’ come in are checked out, pasted with electrodes, and educated before going in. They are asked the same questions they have been asked a gazillion times before.

“Are you allergic to any medications?”

“When was the last time you ate?”

"What side are you hurt"

"Bike wreak huh"

The anesthesiologist came in. Young guy, probably younger than me.

Did you have a big breakfast? Funny guy, asking trick questions.

Dr Lindval comes in…….what a striking figure. 6’ 4” handsome, super fit guy with a shaved head. Very calm, reassuring manner.

Do you have any other questions? Should take a couple of hours, and I will come and find you when we are through.

They gave me the boot…..sent to the surgery waiting room. Grabbed some coffee….super strong brew. The bitter aroma tingling the senses. Wish I had a little more sugar. The Coffee is better here than at Saint Agnes, but the food is worse. They serve Seattle’s Best, but they do not have any half and half. Un-freaking believable.

Head back to the waiting room. It is a surreal situation. I sit here typing and chatting with Tracy’s Mom and my dad. I can hear the drills in my head and envision the plates used to pull the bones back together. Sometimes I imagine how hard this situation must be for the families that are waiting for a loved one with a brain tumor or some other life threatening situation. Tracy’s situation is nothing compared to that, I have to keep telling myself that. She has been bound to the hospital bed for 8 days and sometimes I catch myself thinking she can just jump up walk around.

It has been 2 and a half hours now and still no word…….

3 hours now and still nothing……..Man how the waiting makes the mind wonder…….surf the web, talk with Dad, but eventually the silence comes and you are left with just your mind. Wondering…….thinking….the mind can do things to you. You start thinking and bad things enter in……heart starts going and you feel the blood pumping in you head. Thump, thump…….push the thoughts out……this is a complicated thing…..no need to rush…..please take you time and do the job right. I want to go get some more coffee or water or something, but I know as soon as I leave the Doc will come out and I will miss the debriefing. Can’t let that happen. Got to take a piss…….will just take a second, but can’t leave………

More waiting….wondering…..thinking……praying…….sweaty feet…..I wonder if my sandals are starting to smell. Annoying health watch TV blabbers out a constant drone of health tips, don’t smoke, Medicare health plans, and what do they cover? Blaa…Blaa….Blaa …..Urgent care……blaa….blaa….blaa…..don’t smoke….blaa….blaa….blaa….what makes a good nurse? O God please shut that thing up……

More waiting……3.5 hours now…….I think I will look at the classified pages or velonews or something.

4 hours now…..what the hell is going on in there……This was supposed to be a 2 hour deal now we are double that. This could mean they read my mind and are taking their time…..slowly making progress and making sure everything is as they would like……..precise, detailed, meticulous work that is completed perfectly.

The mind is your worst enemy in this situation……shake out the bad thoughts…….shake them out and roll with the tough times…….relax, breath, close your eyes and visualize the end of this ordeal. Visualize Tracy home with the kids sitting on her lap soaking up her love and indulging in all that she is as a mother.

Doc and his team finally come out, meet my Dad, Char les and Cindy, and of course the Nance. Everything went fine, he tells us and he walks us back to a monitor so we could see the X-Rays…..All I can say is freaking wild, amazing, unbelievable,…..long chain like plates and 4 or 5 long screws holding her together. She had a large floating triangular piece in her hip that needed to be stabilized.

They placed a plate across the top of her hip on the inside that holds the top pieces together. A plate, or more like a long strap extends down along the inside of the pelvis. This plate has several screws along its length that pull the separated halves of the hip together at the joint. It also extends left to the location where the fracture was in her pubic bone. The two halves of the pubic bone were separated and the plate stabilizes the lower portion of the pelvic ring.

It is amazing the damage that was done by that crash. 25+ mph straight to the ground slammed hard. I still remember vividly when I first got to her on the ground at Timpani. She made this funny face. I asked her if she was ok and she said….I don’t know, something feels wrong in my hip …….You could say that again.

Now she is back in her room, sleeping, breathing deep, IV drip and three bandages covering the incisions. She has a closed wound suction evacuator to keep fluid from building up in her incision sites. Pain is the word of the day and Tracy is ready and willing to take the pain medications. Morphine is the drug of choice along with Reglan (sp?) for nausea.

I can hear her deep breathing from my squeaky fold-up cot and I hope she sleeps the rest of the day. Sleep, sleep….sleep little angel and wake up ready to take recovery by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. Beating this beast that has unwantingly consumed our lives....become our hourly reality....Slowly we will take it back.

CRMC

Tracy was transferred to Community Regional Medical Center in downtown Fresberg on Sunday. Community, as it is called, is quite different from Saint Agnes, as Community is the only major trauma emergency room in the area.

The place is the revolving door of hospitals. In the 24-hours we have been there, 5 different people have been in the room next to Tracy's. Lots of people that are in bad shape, moaning, bleeding, cursing, and black eyes.
Different than the joint replacement center at SA, where operations and hospital beds are scheduled and the place is a virtual ghost town on the weekend.

We have met with Dr. Lindval and his PA Simon, and both are very nice and have an easy going relaxing manner. They have explained the procedure in detail. They will go in with two incisions and work from both to get at the fractured pelvis. They estimate that 3 or 4 plates will be required to bring the 4 fractures together and allow the bones to heal.

They have seen worse and Simon stated they do 1 to 2 of these operations a week. The recovery will require 8 to 12 months of non-weight bearing recovery. Tracy will be able to get around with a walker or crutches. Dr Lindval said she will be able to do everything she was doing before, but not for about 6 months.

The whole gig goes down Tuesday at 8:00 am. Tracy is nervous and ready to get it over and get on with the healing.

We feel fortunate that we were able to find Dr Lindval and his staff right here in The Berg. Turns out the dude is one of the best at this type of doctor magic. After the fiasco that was Friday there was sun on Saturaday. It is amazing how that guiding hand can shape and change things to go along with the plan. The hardest part is just letting go, rolling with the hard times, and letting it play itself out.

Will let yall know how she is after going under the knife.

Tim

Frustration Station

Yesterday was by far one of the most frustrating days of my life. Punch the wall, throw a chair, head against the wall……thump, thump, thump. Scream in the phone and then plead for forgiveness because you know that Tracy’s fate lies in the hands of this faceless voice who controls your life. So nice……, “I can hear your frustration, what a frustrating situation, I am so sorry.” Until you have been faced with this there is no possible way you can know what this is like.

I would listen to people talk about insurance companies with distain and think…hum? Frustration so deep and disappointing that it is hard to believe that this is the reality.

“You have no out of network benefits”

“Yes I do, with a Primary Care Physician’s referral”

“That is only for outpatient consultation”

“We had a consultation, he looked at the CT scans, and made a decision to have surgery”

“You didn’t actually see him”

“How am I supposed to get her there. I can’t transport her with Insurance approval”

“I don’t know”

“Ok….Since the Hospital is in Network, we will pay for the Doctor’s fees and you will cover the Hospital.”

“Can’t do that, cause you are seeing an out of network doctor”

“It is two separate bills”

“Still can’t”

“Ok…you say you have a Doctor at UCSF, Who is It?”

“Well I called up there and asked if anybody could do this type of Surgery, and apparently Dr. Reis can.”

“Wait….wait…..can or has?”

“I don’t know”

“WHAT?……I have a Doctor, who is a world class guy scheduled to operate on Tuesday, at a network Hospital, and you want me to go see somebody who MAY be able to do this. With no guarantee that he will even take Tracy on as a patient?”

“You are going to have to call back when you are more calm.”

“Click”

Call back……please, please answer……

“Sorry….I am under a lot of pressure here.”

“I know….I am so sorry. I know this is frustrating.”

Really, do you, tell me how you know. My wife has been lying in a hospital bed, can’t move without pain, scheduled to have surgery and you want me to go find somebody else that may be able to do it.

“Thanks”

“You could try Santa Clara Valley Hospital, they have a good rehab center.”

“Do they have a doctor that can perform this type of surgery?”

“I don’t know”

On and on….battling, fighting. Frustration …..crying, wondering.

What now? Talked to Eric and we decided to work out a deal with Saint Johns and Dr Matta for a cash deal to get the operation done. Then try to get something out of the insurance company later. Go to their office and start shooting……make the nightly news.

Breaking News…..Husband goes postal and blows up insurance office……then goes down in flames……..Mother F’rs.

Talked with Tracy and decide we would bite the bullet and pay for it, how ever we could……go into to debt, get some help….whatever. She is worth every penny. Tried to sleep…woke up at 3:00 am thinking of lawsuits and doctor bills and my beautiful wife laying in pain……and most importantly getting her fixed. It is amazing that we have to devise a plan, a way to make it work.

Morning……..

Got a call from Nancy, a good friend called and asked if we had thought of using Dr. Eric Lindval from Community Medical Center in Fresno. Man….I don’t want to go down that road…..Well…. call her and ask her if he does this sort of thing……What are the chances? Not very good…only a few people do this types of surgeries.

Waiting………..

Tracy’s Dad Charles and his wife Cyndi come in around 8:00 am. Their son-in-law, Rubin, is in the medical field and works down south. He sent out an e-mail to some colleges asking if there are any other doctors out there that have trained under Dr. Matta. He calls back…….Dr. Lindval has worked under Matta and is the head of the Regional Medical Trauma Center here in the Berg.

Ok…….Hanson and Dr. Thomas discuss it and they agree that he has a very good reputation and is capable and qualified to perform the operation……we get on the phone, and Hanson gets a call…….a brief synopsis of Tracy’s situation ensues and he agrees to look at her films…….we get a copy run them down to community and hand them off………now we wait……more waiting……oh God the waiting is just killing me.

Waiting……what will he say…..can he do it….the benefits are obvious….Surgery in Fresno……no long hard transfer, Dr Hanson can help with the management. But if not….we go to Santa Monica and pay cash.

Waiting…..Try to sleep…..More cafeteria food. Not bad here at Saint Agnes…….I have the coffee routine down….Styrofoam cup, two creamers and a purple plastic stir stick.

3:45 pm

Got the call from Hanson…….Surgery with Lindval on Tuesday.

More to come later.

Saint Johns Hospital

Got a call from Eric today and Tracy needs to go down to Saints Johns Hospital in Santa Monica and have reconstructive pelvic surgery. She will be transferred on Friday and have surgery early next week.

Stupid Bike Racing!......

Momma!! We Love You!!

Tracy!

Sunday that dreadful feeling finally came....the one that comes but flys away so quickly once you finally see her in the group. They went by all gaped and looking like a bunch of club riders that don't know how to ride in a line. But this time she was not there.

As many of you know Tracy and Katie Norton crashed out of the Timpani Crit last Sunday. They were setting up with five laps to go and really pushing the pace. The field was being shred to pieces when a rider in front of Katie swerved and there was a touch of wheels and she went down. With no place to go Tracy collided with Katie and was thrown down hard on her right side smashing her helmet and taking a hard shot to her right hip.

Tracy was taken to El Camino Hospital in Mt View where they diagnosed her with a pelvic fracture (one xray taken from the front) and sent on her way after a dose of morphine. She was still in incredible pain and was screaming bloody murder as the hospital techs lifted her into our car. The drive home was rather uneventfully, but once home I still didn't know how we were going to get her in the house and on the bed. Any movement sent shock waves of excruciating pain into her right hip. Tracy's mom drove down to the Fig Garden Fire Department and brought back three extremely helpful fire fighters to help with the task. We lowered all the seats in the Toyota and brought a backboard in from the back. Using the sheet still underneath her from El Camino we lifted her onto the backboard and carried her into our room and on the bed.

With a full prescription of Vicodin in hand she began to sleep the next day away as I scrambled to get her x-rays to our orthopedic Surgeon and friend Eric Hanson. By Monday evening he had taken a look and I knew from his voice we had just begun the process. An ambulance picked her up and she was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning. CTscans, X-rays, and blood work ensued.

General surgeon, frequent participant in the Tuesday morning world championships, and all around good guy, Ming Lee was notified by Eric of our status and he was there to evaluate the results of the blood work and to take a first look at the pictures. It is important to look at what is happening inside since many pelvic fractures result in internal bleeding and damage to the GI track and bladder. Often times these type of injuries result in an Illeus, or a general shut down of the GI track that can limit the ability to digest and process fuel.

Ming came in and the first thing out of his mouth was, "oh Man, what a hit, how fast were you going?"

I am thinking, "This is not good."

Ming goes on to explane that Tracy has multiple complex fractures of her pelvis that may require surgery and transport to a specialist at Stanford or some other far away land.

Ok....

I am sent over to Eric's office and together with Dr. Thomas, their PA and Cat 2 racer Greg Mellor, we start going over the X-ray's and CT Scans. She has broken her Iliac crest from the top all the way down to the asetabulum (hip socket) leaving a huge gapping space. She has also fractured her pubic bone, or the lower portion of the pelvic ring. The combination of the breaks creates an unstable situation that may need to be repaired with surgery. She is in an extreamly fragile position. Surgery would definitely be required if the cup that holds the femur (asetabulum) was offset, or uneven. If the bone is allowed to heal in the offset position major issues arise. Fortunately this is not the case with Tracy, but the instability of the Iliac may require some work.

So I ask, "What are we going to do?"

A flurry of conversation ensues and ideas, discussion and thoughts spoken aloud are shared, "What about Motta?"

The guru of hip reconstruction (Joel Motta) works out of Santa Nella Hospital down in So Cal.

How are we going to get to him?

A rep that happens to be at Saint Agnes Hospital in Fresno works directly with him and a meeting was arranged to get the films to him and he would get them to Motta to advise on the possible options.

So Tracy sits and waits.........in the Hospital for two days now, we should know her fate tomorrow afternoon.

I will report on what happens in the next couple of days.

There have been a few requests for our address to send thoughts and encouragements. They are all appreciated.

Thanks

Tim

505 E. Swift Ave

Fresno, CA

93704

Don't Stop this Train

This morning on the AM ride of Destruction i had my white phones in and was grooving to take my mind off the thousandth time riding up to the store. Attacked at the base of bubble gum and was really motoring. G Mellor was behind me. I am really working.....sweating, breathing and my legs were full and looking ready to explode when I here G....." Keep this pace" He sounds like he is barely breathing hard. Can't do and pull out....Stone can't pull through and I get back on the front to keep at it. The rest of the crew are long gone......although i couldn't even look back. My heavy breathing would have blown me over if I had looked back. Turn the corner and G says....."Now accelerate"...What.....Dude I am going full gas........OTB.

Anyway.....we are heading back and John Mayer comes on.....Acoustic Guitar....Stop this train.......I look up and see 7 or 8 guys in front. Legs spinning in sync.....spinning, chugging.....motering.....Wide smile......Don't Stop this train. What an analogy for life......can't stop the train....we just keep chugging along. Hows the ride?

Stop this train....i want to get off and go home again

I can't take the speed its moving in.

I know I can't, but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older

I am only good at being young

I play the numbers game

to find a way to say that life is just begun.

Love is the only thing that seems to freeze time and make us forget it all

This Chicken not from Foster Farms

I love bike racing. It is in my blood. Clean, pure, blood with hematacrit of 42. Could never win the tour with that, but who could. Not with guys like the Chicken racing. Today he was pulled and deep down I knew that dude just wasn't right. No telling what or who is in his blood. I have to say it is sad, but it seems that now people are getting serious about this whole doping deal.

I say, "kick them all out forever."

Nice!!

Super Sexy!!!!

Moving On

There comes a time when you know your ready…..when things feel right and the place your at seems to not. Moving on to other things to other experiences. This is a context in which many events in life can be placed. Many important places; Job, City, Girl/Boyfriend…….Important steps, decisions in ones life. Racing your bike may not seem like something that falls into this category and require such perspective, but when you can’t shake it out of your mind, it never lets go and you find yourself visualizing the race weeks before it happens, you know what place it has in your life………The Passion…….The addiction…….the need. David Walsh put it this way,

"The severity of the sport examined a man's character, illuminating his nobility but also addressing his baser instinct. Perhaps most of all, it offered a challenge that allowed man to transcend his everyday self."

Sunday caused me to do something on Monday I have thought about since I was a kid. Moving on…. up to see how fast they really are. The first time I saw a bike race I knew it was for me, eventually. It took 20 years to get to the point where I was comfortable enough to deal with the pain of training and racing. When I was 12 and did my first bike race I was dropped. The next one…dropped. Dropped, Dropped, Dropped.

Up to that point I had been doing open junior races and competing against kids 4 to 6 years older than me. Men amongst boys, beards and all, sweaty dudes racing against me, the skinny kid. Then I went to Snelling and did a 12-14 junior race. I remember riding in the pack, listening to the riders shout at each other, rubbing wheels, and standing on the pedals as we rolled up the smaller hills, the group, the people at the start finish yelling…….it could have been just 10 people, but the noise was deafening. I remember feeling good. I remember thinking about setting up on the outside coming around the last turn and launching with 100 meters to go……..Throw my arms up and releasing the frustration of a years worth of getting dropped. F’n A that felt good. I still remember it vivid, fresh, yesterday, implanted in my memory…….See the mark and go….don’t hold back, go with everything you got…….after the line… spent, overjoyed, blown….what a rush.

You see the line coming, nothing else, nobody around, you might as well be all by yourself. Last Sunday it happened again, except this time I knew, I had been visualizing it all week, thinking about it, living it over and over again in my mind. Wait, wait…see the line and go…don’t hold back, pull with your arms, put your head down and explode. But…….. this time it was as if I had already done it….seen it, experienced it, expected it. I knew……….Time to move on.


Now the hard part begins, the pain starts and the suffering will be inevitable. Before, I knew I had a chance to win every time I lined up, now, I must be satisfied with small things, little accomplishments, and when or if that moment ever comes again……It will feel just like it did so many years ago ……..after the line spent, overjoyed, blown….what a rush.

iphone

So.......I got one and I have to say it is pretty sweet. The phone has excellent sound quality and the photo/email/web browser/ipods doohickeys are all great. Now I am going to be taking pictures and blabbing on the phone all day. Hopefully I can get some work done.

Its amazing

What a few cars can do. After getting dropped by Greg on the Casino Hill....Again....we were rolling back from the store today on the Tuesday morning suffer fest. Coming down Auberry....you know the stretch.....long as the summer is HOT...need to look two or three times to make sure you don't go too early. Yeah that stretch........Brian B, took a nasty pull at 35 and I kept trying to shift down, but, behold, I was already in the 11. I wish these went to 10......

I was thinking "B" your an animal. Jumped around Stone and Britter and rolled across the line at 39.2.....fastest sprint ever......I was feeling pretty good until I remembered that about 15 cars blew past us at that moment and I was simply getting sucked along

Well......felt good anyway.

Ah...to dream

Cathy Lynn Loper

59 years ago today the world changed forever for me. An event that went unnoticed by the world.....as most do, but this event has changed the lives of many. I don't really know much about that day.......it must have been warm...it is July 6th. Fitting.......warmth and comfort have come to many.

She came from an interesting background....eccentric uncaring parents that baffle us to this day. But somehow it seems at times ......Or..... I have to wonder..... can anybody care more. Nights when I would try to fall asleep, she would come in and rub my back until my eyes would get heavy and sleep would finally invade my mind.


She saved me and my brothers from adversity time and time again....grabbing us and shaking in her gentle motherly way until we would come to our senses. Though the years as all three of us wandered aimlessly through life.......my father would wonder what he could do to get us on the right track............."Jim.......The lord will deliver." She would say. It is amazing to me, now, what faith she has. Nothing means more to her than her family, yet she would leave our fate in the hands of the Lord. Always knowing we would come around. Have we?


I often think of her living in a tiny military shack in Saint John....a young beautifull girl....following my father wherever he needed to go.

She could be doing so many other things now....whatever she wanted, but her priorities are still the same......they have never changed. She is a lover of her familly......caring and wanting to help.....giving more than she needs, but never asking for praise. She is a great lady.

I love you Mom



Happy Birthday

Freedom

Break the chains that bind us - My oldest son took his first pedal strokes without training wheels the other day. It was, for me, and for him liberating.

Lean into the turns.......ramble through the dirt. Crash, breath, laugh.......feel the wind in your face ....... smile as you keeping turning them over and over.

I have to say....it was....a glorious moment.

"Do you want to take them off?".......Pause....think......Yeah!!!! Out comes the wrench, hand in the back pocket waiting in anticipation. Screaming ...come on Finn!!!....use me!!....break those chains.....lets fly.

Ok.....Now.....just pedal.....with the push of my hand firmly on his seat, away he went..... riding...little legs spinning in a blur, around the corner and gone.....into the rest of his life.