Monday, April 28, 2008

The automatic goes into drive and we set ourselves into motion. The rearview gives away the contemplation of a young mind.

Out the window the stare takes in the world as it flies by in a blur, too fast to really comprehend anything.

Eyes bounce from one focal point to the next. Memories pile onto memories, forming what will be the basis for decisions and actions as he takes his place in the world.

Time, space……we can only touch them for a moment and they are gone. The moments are what life is about. Moments, fleeting, fading.

Youth becomes aged and innocent is lost. Decisions, coming one after the next, will shape not only them but also those around them.

What is he thinking about? We can only pray that the most pressing thought is that of love. Love for each other and the things of this life that are good.

“Hey!”

“Yeah”

“What ya thinking about?”

“Nothing”

One of my favorite answers. Nothing worth noting, just contemplation.
I have heard it put this way.
I see you slowly swim away,
as the light is leaving town,
to a place that I can’t be
but there's no apologies

So Go On
Just Go On

There is still so many things I want to say to you,

But Go On
Just Go On

Were bound by blood thats moving, from the moment that we start.

Jack Johnson

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Figuring on Figuring

Sometimes I wish I was lazy. Content with sitting on my butt watching some TV on saturday. Growing my belly and swinging golf clubs every once in a while. Life would be easier, less frustrating. Instead we are always pushing the time schedule, trying to fit it all in.

I wish I was happy sitting at my desk typing away and planning projects, but the mind always seems to wander to free time and bike rides and doing fun stuff with the Kids and Tracy and all the other things in life that I would like to accomplish. It is a very long list.

I start doing something and before you know it I am obsessed (Unfortunately this never really happens with work. I try, but I just can’t seem to get that wrapped up in it). Thinking, plotting, planning, trying to get better and better. I imagine myself pushing it as hard as I can, doing better and better, but reality always hits, and when I find myself going overboard I get shocked back to reality because it starts to take its toll on the family. Time to take a step back.

What makes it doubly hard is that Tracy is the same way. We both do the same thing, thinking about getting back to that top level of fitness. Honing our skills. Climbing, biking, skiing, whatever, it is always the same.

Need to find some sort of balance. Push, pull, push, pull...

Why is it so hard just to go for a ride and have fun, and let that guy go up the road. Nope, got to chase. Is he still there? Only a couple guys left on the wheel.....I shake my head and get pissed, come on Tim...just ride, have fun. Its a hard thing to do. I guess for me, that is fun.

Life is about learning a lesson, constantly expanding our perspectives, changing, shaping ourselves. Trying to make ourselves better people.

I can spend all day beating myself up, or......just learn to live with the fact that I am still learning.

Let today’s lesson begin

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dreaming


Last night I had a dream about flat tires. Goat heads, those little evil beast. Hard as nails. I know when that happens I have been thinking about riding too much.



We got back from our trip and I have been on the bike quite a bit. The itch, the pestering, nagging feeling, the need to get up at 4:20 am and get on the bike. After a couple weeks the feeling is coming back and I can see the group slowing coming back to me as the I log more miles. Non conventional, no training plan, no tech gadgets, no feeling of quilt when I push the pedals a little too hard. Just riding with the boyz and girls. Sprinting at the Stop Ahead sign. Tricking Beers by going early.

I miss Bike racing…..I can feel it.


I can feel it. Like a kid


I rode 7 days in a row last week and on Wednesday I was so hungry the list of things I ate would run a mile. Eat, feel tired, eat some more….then eat again. Hunger that never goes away. I imagine that it is like a construction site running 24 hours a day with a never ending supply of manual labor, you need to keep the building materials coming or bad things start to happen. Eat, go to bed hungry then wake up starving. Eat some breakfast and then by 9:30 I am rifling through the fridge in the office kitchen looking for the left over rice from lunch last week.
I don’t really need to set my alarm anymore; I just wake up at 4:30 now. It is amazing how your body works.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Can I get an Amen!!



Two words

Waiting sucks!!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

10 Years!!



On the 28th Tracy and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We had just arrived home from Ireland (more to come on that) at midnight, got the boys to sleep till 7 and spent the morning unpacking and walking around in a daze. The boys were happy playing with the toys they had missed over the two weeks and were busy creating with little hands and minds.

We had arranged for my parents to watch the kids later in the day so we could celebrate. Got some things done, hung out together. Nice. Saturday, read the paper without little fingers poking and prodding asking for cereal and strawberries.

We decided to go for a mountain bike ride, something we hadn’t done together for several years. We didn’t even talk about where we would go, we just drove the 30 minutes to Auberry and made the left to drop down to the river and pull into the parking lot at Squaw Leap. If you ever go to the San Joaquin river gorge above Millerton Lake, go in the Spring.




Tall green grass tickles your ankles as Fiddleneck shoots up everywhere. Wild Turkeys, Golden Eagles, as well as others lurk around. Too many other wildflower species to name, shoot up all over the mountain. You can see why the Native Californians loved to hang out in this place. The mighty San Joaquin River pounding with Spring runoff rolled in the granite gorge providing a constant drone. The river is just a vestige of its old self now. Dams and diversions feed power plants built in the 40’s, mighty tunnels carry the majority of the water to the turbines that resonate with a low buzzing hum. The water is release downstream from a 10-foot tall tunnel and slowly makes its way into Millerton Lake State Park to be stopped by Friant Dam.

I started coming here about 16 years ago. A young guy two years out of high school, no job, Jay and I would drive his old Subaru 3 or 4 times a week to try and kill ourselves on the technical single track. When I first rode this trail, it was hard tail, no front suspension, toe clips and no helmet. I didn’t care, we were stoned most of the time and Jay and I would race up the grueling 50 minute climb. We were just as interested in trying to tackle the climb clean as we were in ripping down the single track. Jay, all power, no finesse, he would muscle up and over the rocky sections pumping his huge calves and his Danner hiking boots. Throwing out profanity laced tantrums when he had to dab his foot.



Some sections of the trail we were never able to ride completely clean, and now trail work has erased many of the hardest sections and bypassed others. One can see the vestiges of the old trail snaking up a steep section as you scoot past on the new smooth bypass trail.



Anyway, enough with the past. Tray and I were there and the weather was fantastic, the trail in perfect condition and my body was ready for a good sweat. The first 1.5 miles of the ride snakes down on a narrow single track to the bridge that crosses high over the river. Swooping and crossing little creeks and gullies, this trail always brings a smile to my face, just the perfect mix of downward slope, buff trail and rocky sections. Ripping, carving, swooping, then slam on the brakes and creep around a set of tight switch backs over a rocky section and you are a the bridge.


On spring days there will always be a few cars in the lot. Today we saw climbers bouldering on the cliffs above the river and some families scrambling and frolicking in the water. A couple of kids come walking up to us as we took in the view.


“It was scary watching you come down the trail”

“ Really”

“My Dad says that that is the new thing for Granola Bars”

“Huh?” Dad rolls up with a Budwieser tall boy,

“hows it going?”

“Good”

Granola Bars? I assume he probably said, Granolas or tree huggers or something like that. Strangest thing ever, the last thing I would ever think about MTB is tree hugging granolas. We start up the climb and I have to say it was great to be there, although I had forgotten how demanding the riding was. Hunched over the bars on the end of the saddle you power over the technical sections. It is tough when you are at the limit and then need to explode to power over some rocks or a log or something. Good stuff, and after a few minutes what used to come so naturally to me creeps its way back into my muscle memory and I am rolling.

Tracy looks good too, as always, but on the bike she looks great.



Grinding up the single track, she is always on the look out for Poison Oak, and it is everywhere up here. Right now the leaves are shinny green calling you to reach out and grab them, rub them on your body and pay the price for being out there.



After about an hour we reach the top, and head down the other side..........







Five miles of pure fun. How great it was to step back in the past and go up there again with Tray.

Happy Anniversary