Another Day....Another.....Uh

Yesterday we took Tracy to see the Doctor for her first post operative check up. It was her first trip out of the house since the trip home from the hospital. She put on a nice little top and some cute knickers.

I have to say she looked beautifully!

It was so good for her to get out of the house, to wear something other than a white v-neck tee and a pair of boxers.

The Doc was very upbeat and positive about the prognosis for her recovery. Tracy had a gazillion questions for him, and he was very patient and answered all thoroughly. The patients he displays is such a calming and reassuring quality. All Doctors should be such.

One thing he did note was that sex was ok...........Hum.......That's right...and I didn't even pay him to say it. I didn't even have to ask.....although I was thinking it.

Tracy's take......"Don't even think about it"

Shoot......

But seriously, it just means that the hip joint and the pelvis are healing and that the only thing that would delay recovery is if she took a fall. He did say that it would be the full 12 weeks before she could put any weight on the right leg, but that she can drive sooner.

She is feeling good and looking forward to getting out more and she is starting to miss the bike, which is a good sign.

Milestones Little and Big

You know the feeling........warm drops start to hit, penetrating the tiredness that creeps into the bones. The methodical pounding of the aquatic masseuse.


Tracy took her first shower in 17 days yesterday. When I got home she looked refreshed, glowing.


The scale of any major task can more easily comprehended when it is broken up into smaller parts. The mind celebrates with each tick mark. Tick um off, one by one. With each step you are closer to the goal, whatever that may be.


Taking a shower was a milestone. Dr. Lindval wanted her to wait ten days after the surgery to let the incisions heal. Before you know it she was standing in the warm wonderfulness, soaking in all the healing power that water has. 17 days is not the longest she has gone. She spent 30 days in the back country of the Washington Cascade's without a shower, but that is a totally different animal.


Climbing the rungs of a 700 foot tall ladder, take a step up, revel, and look to the next one. With each you see more of what lay around you, the possibilities and the avenues of life in which to travel. Until finally you reach the top and choose the next journey through life.


Quote of the Day



I was taking Finn to school this morning. His favorite mode of transportation is what he calls the three wheel bike. We cruz past the cars at Shaw and Palm. Blast past the enormously long line up of mini vans and SUVs that wait to gain access to the Gibson Elementary parking lot.

"Daddy"

"Yeah"

"How come everybody is in cars?"

"Why aren't they on bikes, or motorcycles or in planes?"

"Well........sometimes you have more than one kid that needs to go to school, or you have lots of stuff"

"But Daddy....all the kids could ride bikes"

"............Well.......your right, they could"

Thanks Y'all

I wanted to take a minute to say Thanks to all the folks out there who have taken the time to offer help, and provide support in so many ways. All the comments have been an inspiration to Tracy by just letting her know that her peoples are out there thinking about her.

She is doing well and improving everyday. She can get around fairly well with the walker or crutches and can get herself in and out of bed, in the words our of youngest Reed, "by her own self." The pain gets better everyday, and she says that now she can feel where the multitude of screws were placed in her pelvis.

It has been a week since the surgery and we still have a long way to go, but with improvement comes confidence and encouragement. On a side note, I am trying to get the before and after x-rays to show y'all the stainless steel bling-bling hardware. Stay tuned, hopefully this week.

On the Lighter Side

Finn started Kindergarten yesterday. We had been talking to him all weekend about it, and how he was going to meet his new teacher Mrs. Schnieder and learn how to read. All I have to say is parking was a bitch, had to walk a freaking mile. We were on time though.

Finn was apprehensive and didn't want to get out of the car, but with a little coaxing he walked the lonely mile to Gibson Elementary. The school has a great feel, and community atmosphere. PTA, parent volunteers, school tee-shirts, and all that cool kid stuff.

With all that has been going on, I haven't really had time to reflect on the magnitude of this day, the end and beginning of corresponding eras. The start of Finn's formal education (if you don't count pre-school). How will this experience shape him, and what influences will this have on him?

Interesting question.

I think back to what I remember about K-school. Fuzzy, hazy pictures come into my head. One stands out clear as a bell. This girl sitting next to me took a pee while sitting in the chair. I have to say.....that moment shaped who I am today. I keep reminding myself at work.....don't pee in your chair, don't pee in your chair.

I asked Finn how his day was.

"Daddy.......I missed you today."

"I missed you too"

He goes on to say in a quick, shrug the shoulders, turn and go play sort of way.

"I didn't learn how to read!"

Home.....Now What?

Tracy spent most of Tuesday sleeping. Morphine does not really sit well on her stomach and every time she would wake up and try to talk or sit up she would get really pale and sometimes a little hint of green would come through. Small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. We got her off the morphine and onto the Vicodin, but even with the Reglan for the nausea she would still have to fight back the waves. Nausea can be so uncomfortable. That hot sweaty feeling, churning stomach, bile coming up and filling the back of the throat. Loads of fun to be had.

Wednesday Tracy woke up feeling better, but still fighting the Nausea. The other issue she had been dealing with was the dizziness. She had a CTscan at Saint Agnes to look for any subdural hematomas in the brain, but that came back negative. Turns out dizziness is normal for people who spend extended periods of time on bed rest. The blood pools in the lower extremities and when you sit up or change positions rapidly the heart can't get blood to the brain fast enough and you feel like you had one too many tequila shots. Spinning, swooping, oh the joy of it all.

The physical therapist came in around 9:30 and started working to get her up and walking. It was so good to see her sitting up in bed. For the last ten days she could not move her right leg without feeling intense pain, shooting pain from the muscles pulling on the fractures. Now the pain was different. Soft tissues needed to be manipulated and pushed aside to allow instruments and fingers to get in and tinker with the broken skeleton. Dr. Lindval made two incisions to gain access. He used the existing scar site from Finn's C-section and created a new 5-inch long incision along the top of her hip. Her muscles and soft tissues are very sore and she moves very gingerly to limit the pain that pushes through the pain meds.

By Wednesday afternoon she was sitting up and making her way to the bathroom, very slowly. She tires very quickly as her blood volume is very low from the surgery. Hemoglobin is measured and expressed in terms of grams per deciliter (gm/dl) of whole blood volume. Adult women have a normal range of 12 - 16 gm/dl. After Tracy's accident her hemoglobin was 13.5, which was good, and meant she did not have much internal bleeding. On Wednesday morning her hemoglobin was 9.2 gm/dl. Then by Thursday it was down to 8.7. If somebody went out and tried to ride at a high intensity with those hemoglobin levels, it would be a humbling experience. Throw in 10 days of bed rest and.....well....I think you can figure it out. She grew extremely tired after a few steps and her arms were shaking from using the walker.

We were really looking forward to getting out of the prison that had been our reality for what seemed like a year, and my shoulders were really taking a beating from the trampoline that was my bed for the last week. I say that, but realize that our stay is nothing compared to what others have had to deal with. We are taking about orthopedic reconstruction of Tracy's hip and pelvis so she can have a normal health life. Normal health life....What a luxury...What a blessing. I saw people waiting to see if there loved ones were going to live. What about brain tumors, or cancer, or organ transplants. I can't even imagine having to sit and watch the closest people in your life struggle through that not even knowing if they are going to be alive. Forget about normal......how about alive.

We take it all for granted so easily. In a flash our reality changed. One second and everything changes. It forces you to view things in a different light, to see outside your tiny little world. Things that were once so huge, so important ......just aren't. I know as we get back into the swing.....my mind is already thinking about all the things I need to deal with at work, the hundreds of e-mails I need to wade through, this perspective will fade, but I hope it doesn't.

Tracy's was discharged on Thursday at 1:00 pm. It was interesting getting her in the car, good thing I am an engineer. I knew it would pay off one day. She squinted from the bright sunlight and the warm air felt foreign on her skin. We headed home with crutches, walker, and wheelchair in tow, and she asked me to cut the hospital bracelets off of her wrist to remove all physical memories from her body, and for the boys.

Now What?

Tray will have 8-12 weeks of non-wight bearing recovery. That means she cannot put any weight on the her hip, no walking without the help of our new aluminum friends, and no driving until we can be sure the fractures are totally healed. Seems like this trip has just started. Like we are driving to New York and we just reached Madera. But just like anything......it will end. The world just keeps on spinning and chemistry does its work. Slowly building new bone, super gluing her back together. Building the glue that binds our family together. Life would be so boring without adversity, struggle, to battle for what seems important at the time. Just got to keep on rolling on.

Pre-Op all the way to Post-Op

They woke us at 6:30 am……

You going to surgery? Huh…..Well……you tell me.

Can you still have babies?

What?

We need to do a pregnancy test on her!

This guy reminded me of a modern day pirate complete with thin dyed black mustache. Dark glasses, scrubs covering his Raider Nation tattoo. Tracy asked if the doctor would see us before the surgery. Yeah….who’s your doctor?

Dr Lindval.

Oh….yeah he’s real good. He will come and see you,...yeah.

He leads us over to the new section of the Hospital. The trauma center here at CRMC is a brand new $280 million building with state of the art operating facilities and trauma ER. Very nice. We move over from the old building into a walkway that connects the two buildings and the change is obvious. We move through automatic doors past signs that read; Authorized Personnel Only, Hospital Staff Only beyond this point and in to the Pre-Operation Room.

The Pirate shows me where the waiting room is. I get into the Pre-Op and he motions, come on back here. I am going to hide you back here. If they kick you out you can go to the Pre-Op Conference Room. Tracy was glad that I was there. I could tell she was nervous. She was not saying much and would just grab my hand, and give a gentile squeeze.

Pre-Op reminds me of an auto shop garage with stalls along each wall where the broken, battered, and sick come in and the human mechanics grab tools from the tool boxes of medical supplies. Patients’ come in are checked out, pasted with electrodes, and educated before going in. They are asked the same questions they have been asked a gazillion times before.

“Are you allergic to any medications?”

“When was the last time you ate?”

"What side are you hurt"

"Bike wreak huh"

The anesthesiologist came in. Young guy, probably younger than me.

Did you have a big breakfast? Funny guy, asking trick questions.

Dr Lindval comes in…….what a striking figure. 6’ 4” handsome, super fit guy with a shaved head. Very calm, reassuring manner.

Do you have any other questions? Should take a couple of hours, and I will come and find you when we are through.

They gave me the boot…..sent to the surgery waiting room. Grabbed some coffee….super strong brew. The bitter aroma tingling the senses. Wish I had a little more sugar. The Coffee is better here than at Saint Agnes, but the food is worse. They serve Seattle’s Best, but they do not have any half and half. Un-freaking believable.

Head back to the waiting room. It is a surreal situation. I sit here typing and chatting with Tracy’s Mom and my dad. I can hear the drills in my head and envision the plates used to pull the bones back together. Sometimes I imagine how hard this situation must be for the families that are waiting for a loved one with a brain tumor or some other life threatening situation. Tracy’s situation is nothing compared to that, I have to keep telling myself that. She has been bound to the hospital bed for 8 days and sometimes I catch myself thinking she can just jump up walk around.

It has been 2 and a half hours now and still no word…….

3 hours now and still nothing……..Man how the waiting makes the mind wonder…….surf the web, talk with Dad, but eventually the silence comes and you are left with just your mind. Wondering…….thinking….the mind can do things to you. You start thinking and bad things enter in……heart starts going and you feel the blood pumping in you head. Thump, thump…….push the thoughts out……this is a complicated thing…..no need to rush…..please take you time and do the job right. I want to go get some more coffee or water or something, but I know as soon as I leave the Doc will come out and I will miss the debriefing. Can’t let that happen. Got to take a piss…….will just take a second, but can’t leave………

More waiting….wondering…..thinking……praying…….sweaty feet…..I wonder if my sandals are starting to smell. Annoying health watch TV blabbers out a constant drone of health tips, don’t smoke, Medicare health plans, and what do they cover? Blaa…Blaa….Blaa …..Urgent care……blaa….blaa….blaa…..don’t smoke….blaa….blaa….blaa….what makes a good nurse? O God please shut that thing up……

More waiting……3.5 hours now…….I think I will look at the classified pages or velonews or something.

4 hours now…..what the hell is going on in there……This was supposed to be a 2 hour deal now we are double that. This could mean they read my mind and are taking their time…..slowly making progress and making sure everything is as they would like……..precise, detailed, meticulous work that is completed perfectly.

The mind is your worst enemy in this situation……shake out the bad thoughts…….shake them out and roll with the tough times…….relax, breath, close your eyes and visualize the end of this ordeal. Visualize Tracy home with the kids sitting on her lap soaking up her love and indulging in all that she is as a mother.

Doc and his team finally come out, meet my Dad, Char les and Cindy, and of course the Nance. Everything went fine, he tells us and he walks us back to a monitor so we could see the X-Rays…..All I can say is freaking wild, amazing, unbelievable,…..long chain like plates and 4 or 5 long screws holding her together. She had a large floating triangular piece in her hip that needed to be stabilized.

They placed a plate across the top of her hip on the inside that holds the top pieces together. A plate, or more like a long strap extends down along the inside of the pelvis. This plate has several screws along its length that pull the separated halves of the hip together at the joint. It also extends left to the location where the fracture was in her pubic bone. The two halves of the pubic bone were separated and the plate stabilizes the lower portion of the pelvic ring.

It is amazing the damage that was done by that crash. 25+ mph straight to the ground slammed hard. I still remember vividly when I first got to her on the ground at Timpani. She made this funny face. I asked her if she was ok and she said….I don’t know, something feels wrong in my hip …….You could say that again.

Now she is back in her room, sleeping, breathing deep, IV drip and three bandages covering the incisions. She has a closed wound suction evacuator to keep fluid from building up in her incision sites. Pain is the word of the day and Tracy is ready and willing to take the pain medications. Morphine is the drug of choice along with Reglan (sp?) for nausea.

I can hear her deep breathing from my squeaky fold-up cot and I hope she sleeps the rest of the day. Sleep, sleep….sleep little angel and wake up ready to take recovery by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. Beating this beast that has unwantingly consumed our lives....become our hourly reality....Slowly we will take it back.

CRMC

Tracy was transferred to Community Regional Medical Center in downtown Fresberg on Sunday. Community, as it is called, is quite different from Saint Agnes, as Community is the only major trauma emergency room in the area.

The place is the revolving door of hospitals. In the 24-hours we have been there, 5 different people have been in the room next to Tracy's. Lots of people that are in bad shape, moaning, bleeding, cursing, and black eyes.
Different than the joint replacement center at SA, where operations and hospital beds are scheduled and the place is a virtual ghost town on the weekend.

We have met with Dr. Lindval and his PA Simon, and both are very nice and have an easy going relaxing manner. They have explained the procedure in detail. They will go in with two incisions and work from both to get at the fractured pelvis. They estimate that 3 or 4 plates will be required to bring the 4 fractures together and allow the bones to heal.

They have seen worse and Simon stated they do 1 to 2 of these operations a week. The recovery will require 8 to 12 months of non-weight bearing recovery. Tracy will be able to get around with a walker or crutches. Dr Lindval said she will be able to do everything she was doing before, but not for about 6 months.

The whole gig goes down Tuesday at 8:00 am. Tracy is nervous and ready to get it over and get on with the healing.

We feel fortunate that we were able to find Dr Lindval and his staff right here in The Berg. Turns out the dude is one of the best at this type of doctor magic. After the fiasco that was Friday there was sun on Saturaday. It is amazing how that guiding hand can shape and change things to go along with the plan. The hardest part is just letting go, rolling with the hard times, and letting it play itself out.

Will let yall know how she is after going under the knife.

Tim

Frustration Station

Yesterday was by far one of the most frustrating days of my life. Punch the wall, throw a chair, head against the wall……thump, thump, thump. Scream in the phone and then plead for forgiveness because you know that Tracy’s fate lies in the hands of this faceless voice who controls your life. So nice……, “I can hear your frustration, what a frustrating situation, I am so sorry.” Until you have been faced with this there is no possible way you can know what this is like.

I would listen to people talk about insurance companies with distain and think…hum? Frustration so deep and disappointing that it is hard to believe that this is the reality.

“You have no out of network benefits”

“Yes I do, with a Primary Care Physician’s referral”

“That is only for outpatient consultation”

“We had a consultation, he looked at the CT scans, and made a decision to have surgery”

“You didn’t actually see him”

“How am I supposed to get her there. I can’t transport her with Insurance approval”

“I don’t know”

“Ok….Since the Hospital is in Network, we will pay for the Doctor’s fees and you will cover the Hospital.”

“Can’t do that, cause you are seeing an out of network doctor”

“It is two separate bills”

“Still can’t”

“Ok…you say you have a Doctor at UCSF, Who is It?”

“Well I called up there and asked if anybody could do this type of Surgery, and apparently Dr. Reis can.”

“Wait….wait…..can or has?”

“I don’t know”

“WHAT?……I have a Doctor, who is a world class guy scheduled to operate on Tuesday, at a network Hospital, and you want me to go see somebody who MAY be able to do this. With no guarantee that he will even take Tracy on as a patient?”

“You are going to have to call back when you are more calm.”

“Click”

Call back……please, please answer……

“Sorry….I am under a lot of pressure here.”

“I know….I am so sorry. I know this is frustrating.”

Really, do you, tell me how you know. My wife has been lying in a hospital bed, can’t move without pain, scheduled to have surgery and you want me to go find somebody else that may be able to do it.

“Thanks”

“You could try Santa Clara Valley Hospital, they have a good rehab center.”

“Do they have a doctor that can perform this type of surgery?”

“I don’t know”

On and on….battling, fighting. Frustration …..crying, wondering.

What now? Talked to Eric and we decided to work out a deal with Saint Johns and Dr Matta for a cash deal to get the operation done. Then try to get something out of the insurance company later. Go to their office and start shooting……make the nightly news.

Breaking News…..Husband goes postal and blows up insurance office……then goes down in flames……..Mother F’rs.

Talked with Tracy and decide we would bite the bullet and pay for it, how ever we could……go into to debt, get some help….whatever. She is worth every penny. Tried to sleep…woke up at 3:00 am thinking of lawsuits and doctor bills and my beautiful wife laying in pain……and most importantly getting her fixed. It is amazing that we have to devise a plan, a way to make it work.

Morning……..

Got a call from Nancy, a good friend called and asked if we had thought of using Dr. Eric Lindval from Community Medical Center in Fresno. Man….I don’t want to go down that road…..Well…. call her and ask her if he does this sort of thing……What are the chances? Not very good…only a few people do this types of surgeries.

Waiting………..

Tracy’s Dad Charles and his wife Cyndi come in around 8:00 am. Their son-in-law, Rubin, is in the medical field and works down south. He sent out an e-mail to some colleges asking if there are any other doctors out there that have trained under Dr. Matta. He calls back…….Dr. Lindval has worked under Matta and is the head of the Regional Medical Trauma Center here in the Berg.

Ok…….Hanson and Dr. Thomas discuss it and they agree that he has a very good reputation and is capable and qualified to perform the operation……we get on the phone, and Hanson gets a call…….a brief synopsis of Tracy’s situation ensues and he agrees to look at her films…….we get a copy run them down to community and hand them off………now we wait……more waiting……oh God the waiting is just killing me.

Waiting……what will he say…..can he do it….the benefits are obvious….Surgery in Fresno……no long hard transfer, Dr Hanson can help with the management. But if not….we go to Santa Monica and pay cash.

Waiting…..Try to sleep…..More cafeteria food. Not bad here at Saint Agnes…….I have the coffee routine down….Styrofoam cup, two creamers and a purple plastic stir stick.

3:45 pm

Got the call from Hanson…….Surgery with Lindval on Tuesday.

More to come later.

Saint Johns Hospital

Got a call from Eric today and Tracy needs to go down to Saints Johns Hospital in Santa Monica and have reconstructive pelvic surgery. She will be transferred on Friday and have surgery early next week.

Stupid Bike Racing!......

Momma!! We Love You!!

Tracy!

Sunday that dreadful feeling finally came....the one that comes but flys away so quickly once you finally see her in the group. They went by all gaped and looking like a bunch of club riders that don't know how to ride in a line. But this time she was not there.

As many of you know Tracy and Katie Norton crashed out of the Timpani Crit last Sunday. They were setting up with five laps to go and really pushing the pace. The field was being shred to pieces when a rider in front of Katie swerved and there was a touch of wheels and she went down. With no place to go Tracy collided with Katie and was thrown down hard on her right side smashing her helmet and taking a hard shot to her right hip.

Tracy was taken to El Camino Hospital in Mt View where they diagnosed her with a pelvic fracture (one xray taken from the front) and sent on her way after a dose of morphine. She was still in incredible pain and was screaming bloody murder as the hospital techs lifted her into our car. The drive home was rather uneventfully, but once home I still didn't know how we were going to get her in the house and on the bed. Any movement sent shock waves of excruciating pain into her right hip. Tracy's mom drove down to the Fig Garden Fire Department and brought back three extremely helpful fire fighters to help with the task. We lowered all the seats in the Toyota and brought a backboard in from the back. Using the sheet still underneath her from El Camino we lifted her onto the backboard and carried her into our room and on the bed.

With a full prescription of Vicodin in hand she began to sleep the next day away as I scrambled to get her x-rays to our orthopedic Surgeon and friend Eric Hanson. By Monday evening he had taken a look and I knew from his voice we had just begun the process. An ambulance picked her up and she was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning. CTscans, X-rays, and blood work ensued.

General surgeon, frequent participant in the Tuesday morning world championships, and all around good guy, Ming Lee was notified by Eric of our status and he was there to evaluate the results of the blood work and to take a first look at the pictures. It is important to look at what is happening inside since many pelvic fractures result in internal bleeding and damage to the GI track and bladder. Often times these type of injuries result in an Illeus, or a general shut down of the GI track that can limit the ability to digest and process fuel.

Ming came in and the first thing out of his mouth was, "oh Man, what a hit, how fast were you going?"

I am thinking, "This is not good."

Ming goes on to explane that Tracy has multiple complex fractures of her pelvis that may require surgery and transport to a specialist at Stanford or some other far away land.

Ok....

I am sent over to Eric's office and together with Dr. Thomas, their PA and Cat 2 racer Greg Mellor, we start going over the X-ray's and CT Scans. She has broken her Iliac crest from the top all the way down to the asetabulum (hip socket) leaving a huge gapping space. She has also fractured her pubic bone, or the lower portion of the pelvic ring. The combination of the breaks creates an unstable situation that may need to be repaired with surgery. She is in an extreamly fragile position. Surgery would definitely be required if the cup that holds the femur (asetabulum) was offset, or uneven. If the bone is allowed to heal in the offset position major issues arise. Fortunately this is not the case with Tracy, but the instability of the Iliac may require some work.

So I ask, "What are we going to do?"

A flurry of conversation ensues and ideas, discussion and thoughts spoken aloud are shared, "What about Motta?"

The guru of hip reconstruction (Joel Motta) works out of Santa Nella Hospital down in So Cal.

How are we going to get to him?

A rep that happens to be at Saint Agnes Hospital in Fresno works directly with him and a meeting was arranged to get the films to him and he would get them to Motta to advise on the possible options.

So Tracy sits and waits.........in the Hospital for two days now, we should know her fate tomorrow afternoon.

I will report on what happens in the next couple of days.

There have been a few requests for our address to send thoughts and encouragements. They are all appreciated.

Thanks

Tim

505 E. Swift Ave

Fresno, CA

93704