Man I don't know Revisited

I guess there was some confusion with the first post of this series. So I think I need to clarify some things.

1. I am not quitting anything. Although I don’t have the time to train like I did last year, I am still in love with the bike and plan on racing at some point. But life gets in the way, and I always knew at some point other things would be a bigger priority, and although it took a while to realize....I did.

2. The sentence at the bottom of the first post was misunderstood. (“Bale out on a great thing.....cause its hard, and it gets in the way of play time with the kids.”) This means play time with your friends, not your children. The context here was that the family gets in the way of riding, training, whatever. Think about that and reread that section.

3. In general this post was about how sad it makes me feel when a family breaks up. Doesn’t matter what the reason is, or what both sides of the story are. The rift has been created and lives will change, children will suffer and eventually regret. It was not about one individual case in particular, but so many they get hard to count. If you think this was about you......then think about it.

A commitment is a commitment, and at times it is hard to love your spouse, or your kids, or your situation but you stick it out and fight through the hard times, cause they fade. Nothing in life is perfect, except the love of Christ, and If we get caught thinking about what coulda, shoulda, woulda we lose the moments that we have right in front of us.....

Enjoy the ride, good times and bad, cause it defines who we are. Live, love and share the moments.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Moments

There are certain moments in ones life that you will never forget. This was one of them. Others come and you hold on to them and hope that the details never fade. The feeling, the sights, the smells....we try to keep them as vivid as possible. 

We took Finn up skiing for the third time last weekend. The second time we took him he wanted to ride the big chair. "To the top Daddy," were his words, and so we went. The 14 minute ride up Chair 1 was brilliant, the ride down was trying. Two hours later we were back a the lodge. He must have crashed 200 times, each one smiling. One time he went down and looked up at me and said, "Daddy....I like Skiing with you." Melts your heart.

Last weekend he rode the Chair twice, the second time I will never forget. 

Finn had a break through, trying so hard to follow his buddy Ian, he power wedged straight down the hill picking up speed and carrying it through the flatter sections.

I will never forget, letting the skis run under me as Finn slid along side flowing down the Mountain. His face a picture of perfect Joy as he glided under his own power. Bang he got it,  and just like that first time he broke the chains of training wheels he now propelled himself down the mountain by his own direction. Channeling gravity, harnessing its power. 

These moments are more than they seem. They are the realization that what Tracy and I created is growing into his place in the world. 

Gaining his own identity and shaping his future. We realize we only have so much influence and we can guide him only so much. We pray he makes good choices, but just like us all, I am sure he will learn a few lessons the hard way. 

There will be other days like this, other more important ones, when I let go of him and he moves on to make his own tracks in the world, carving out his future and defining his past. 

Welcome to the world little Man...........

One of the Best Quotes Ever

John Eldridge puts it best in his book Wild at Heart when he says “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go and do that, because what the world needs is more people who are alive.”

Man....I don't Know!!!

You know, sometimes a Brother just gets something stuck in his eye. Just bugs him, pestering and irritating. You think, what the hell are you doing fool.

We all got things in our lives that we love to do. Driven to get better, passion to excel. Extracurricular activities. On the side. We love then, can't get enough of them, think about them, obsess if you will. But in the end, they are just hobbies, sports, activities....a way to take your mind off the grind of everyday man. We may love it, need it, crave it, push other factors of our lives aside to make room, but in the end it is just a hobby......If it don't pay the rent, then.....son....... you got yourself a hobby. If you can find a way to pay the rent doing it...more power to ya, but at our age.......sorry man that ain't going to happen. Some would say they become a distraction.

I am not saying that, but some would (the distraction part, anyway).

What are the important things.......The things that need immediate attention. Commitments, promises.....your responsibilities, your Kids, your spouse. Sometimes they aren't fun, are about more than you, but they're yours and you must reach out and embrace them, grab them and hold on tight.....cause Brother, sometimes they take you to a place you don't want to be. Next thing you know, your like, "What the F#*&, how did I get here."

Makes the world go round. Don't commit if you cant come through.....

Sometimes people just bug me. Bale out on a great thing.....cause its hard, and it gets in the way of play time with the kids. What worthwhile thing in life isn't hard? Give me one........Something fulfilling.....Give me one.

Anyway.....Sometimes...... it sticks in your eye and bugs you, it eats at you, causes the stomach to turn........and you think, Man.......what are you doing?

Latenight Shuffle

The kids gots themselves some colds and I have been spending a lot of time doing the latenight room to room shuffle. Cough, wheeze, cough...shuffle, shuffle.....pat, pat, pat....deep breath...Z'zzz. Wait one hour......repeat. Waking up at 4:20 does not work very well on that schedule if you want functioning neurons later in the Day.

So......to the trainer I go. Cycling.tv and a towel to wipe away the drops as the sweat stings the eye ball. Oh, how I love the morning ride. The cold that creeps into the bones. The first 10 minutes is pure torture, but then bliss..........

Warmth creeps out from the inside, the engine starts to purrr and then the skin becomes clammy and sticky sweet.

Too Freakin Cold

It's supposed to be 31 freakin degrees tomorrow morning at dark thirty. My morning ride buds from the hood are bailing and this little tickle in the back of my pie hole has left me thinking about the trainer and sweat pooling on the floor below me. It's that or frozen cheeks and water bottles.

It is really hard to talk when you are riding in 31 degree weather.

Oh...but I do love the morning ride (more to come on that), and I know the die-hards will be there. JH, Beers4, GVnata, and that French guy, Mellon Ball. I want to get out there and push um down, but nay, sense and sensibility force me to rethink.

I will let you know what I decide......

Nice Day

Today was one of those beautiful winter days in the Central Valley. Crisp, clean, blue skies, with the Sierra in full effect. Patterson Bluff rising out of the valley, the giant granite monolith shining in the sun. You know the air is crystal clear when you can see that huge beast of a rock from freeway 41.

Lots of people know about the cliffs in Yosemite, the granite monoliths of Kings Canyon, but few know of Patterson. This 2,000 foot giant rises up out of the Sierra foothills and casts its weighty view over the central valley like a sentinel on guard against the oppressors of our day.

It seems so close. Like you should be able to reach out and touch it. Fact is, it's a 3 hour drive and a nasty bush whack through poison oak covered slope to get to its base. No Fun.

Today the San Joaquin River Parkway and Conservancy trust hosted their holiday cheer festivities out at the Coke Hallowell Center for river studies, a fancy name for the River House. It is a lovely restored late 1800's farm house off of Old Friant Road.

Anybody who has done a ride from The Berg has most likely gone past this gem. Lovely place. The conservancy does wonderful things to promote river awareness and has been buying up large pieces of land along the river to protect this natural wonder right in our back yards. Stop buy and check it out.

The Fresno wildlife rehabilitation center was there showing off some off their best selections of avian species saved from the clutches of death. This fabulous Peregrine was saved from the grave after some knuckle-head took a pot shot at it and damaged its wing. Now this representative of the fastest bird species in the world is flightless. Still amazed by the idiots.

I can remember a time when Tracy and I were up at Yosemite point and two Peregrines were doing a dance for our sole enjoyment. Rising up from the Valley floor on thermals they would soar high until they pointed their wings back and morphed into a avian bullet and shot past us 20 yards away at 180 mph straight down 3,ooo feet into the valley. The two twisting and turning together in a spiraling love dance. Performing their splendid aerial show while we sat awestruck by their acrobatics. Amazing creatures, living in a vertical world.

I have had many experiences with these wonderful birds over the years in my time hanging from ropes high up on the granite cliffs in the Valley and every one is inspiring. They watch you, you watch them, and then they shoot off, masters of their domain.

The encounters never get old.

Work Trips and Tripping Gamblers

Monday was another one of those 15 to 1 ratio days, except the client was late and we only met for 45 minutes. Nice. It is always interesting going to the SF airport. What a great place to people watch, travelers struggling to lug their oversized carry-ons and micro-suit cases.

There is always the usual victims, the frazzled coat and tie, hippy trustafarian on his way to Nepal, or whatever is the new cool place to go using grand-ma’s money. The retired gamblers on their way to Las Vegas to play the nickel slots. Great place to see all the latest in high tech gadgets, everybody’s got a freakin lap-top and smart phone. People would rather watch DVD’s on their computer than simply read a book. That always amazes me, all the good books out there and you can’t wait to fire up the computer and watch Die-Hard for the 20th time.

Seeing how it is Turkey week, the airports are especially packed. Alberta, Chicago, Phoenix, Eugene, Salt Lake City, they all do it the Airport shuffle. It is amazing how people can be so tan in November, and I don’t think I have ever seen so many little dogs in little dog carrying bags.

So many people, smiling, scowling, tired, little kids cruzing with their bags looking around at all the newness there is to see. Old men, black socks and sandals, college kids on their way home, short shorts and Ugg Boots.

Enough of that airport fun.......

Last Saturday I hooked up with Dan, Mike and Jim to catch the 5:30 morning ride. Put in three plus hours and be home for Soccer. I suggested 211 to Spring Valley and then home. Sounds good. I love 211, what a nice ride. A snaking little back road with minimal traffic, some climbs but nothing that will destroy ya. Mike and Jim had to turn around and be back by 8. Dan and I roll along and we get passed by a dude in a silver 1984 BMW and he waves with a gracious grin. How are you doooing. We ride on chatting as we spin the 25 up the steepest part of the climb, chatting, smiling, taking in the sunrise and feeling lucky to be out. Really, that is an important thing to think about, we are lucky to be out. With all that life deals you and other responsibilities it is such a luxury to have free time to ride.

We continue on and I tell Dan about how every time I ride this road somebody stops to ask me directions to the local Indian Racheria and Casino. You see Table Mountain Rancheria opened up a casino near Millerton Lake about 15 miles out of town years ago and it has become quite a monster. You can roll past there any morning of the week at 7:00 am and the lot will be packed. It amazes me still that people would want to spend their time doing that. Oh well, I won’t get on that soap box. The endless traffic that rolls past on Friant and Auberry probably think the same thing about me.

“Why in the Hell would you want to ride you bike all the way out here? Put some freakin clothes on you spandex wearing fag, get off the freaking road!!!” As the bags of fast food trash and cigarette buts are ejected out the sun roof.

Anyway, it always happens, they come off the 99 to the 145 miss the right hand turn that takes you down to Friant and end up in nowwheresville with a pocket full of cash and no place to lose it.

“Yeah Dan happens every time”
“Really”
“No doubt”

Just then the dude in the 1984 Beamer, comes rippin around the corner, slams on his brakes rolls down the window. In broken English…”Hey, yous guys know where the Casino Table is?” Stalls the car.

Dan can’t control himself and has to roll away to keep from laughing in the guys face.

“I am really lost huh?”

‘Yeah Man…..You are”

So I give the dude some directions and he is off to lose his rent money.

Who will it be next time?

Holidays….

I have one more thing to add…….Went to the mall to get the chillins some new shoes.

I hate the freakin Mall…….

Sight to behold

So, yesterday was my Birthday. I turned 35.

Don't really look into numbers so I can't really find any significance in 35. 5 tell 40, half past 30. Went for a 3-hour ride with 17 guys from the team. I was quite a nice size group. We just keep on growing ya'll, don't know what to say....Cool.



Got a few nice gifts from the fam and went to a very nice Dinner at Vini, Vidi, Vici down in the tower. Finn scored 4 goals in his soccer game. But the coolest thing of the day was this.



There she is on the bike....riding. Lovely!!

She Walks

Tracy got the Green light to ditch the crutches whenever she wants. Actually Dr Lindval said two more weeks with one crutch then .....crutches go bye bye. When he said it I was thinking two more weeks, F*%K that. But he went on and clarified, no, use them if you need them, don't want you to walk around limping.....feel it out.......test the muscles, cause girl...its going be a bit painful and stuff.

So, That was Monday and slowly this week they are going away. Nice, but she has had to deal with pain. Her muscles are sore from PT and her foot hurts. I guess three months with no pressure, then bang.....to have the ground pushing up on your foot would cause some uncomfortableness. Weird thing was, she went to her first PT session and rode the recumbent stationary bike, got a little sweat going. She said it felt really GOOD BABY.

That was Tuesday, on Wednesday she took a nose dive and had a horrible day. Discussed it with her homoeopathic chiro-doc-vitamin-herb-guru-dude and he tells her to take it slow, that after that long a period of time without any lactic acid in the system, then bang a big dose, it can send your mind for a loop. Depression, exhaustion.......He was right she felt it the next day, one of the worst days she has had in a long time. But once she heard from someone in the know that that is what was going on ...the fog lifted and she felt better knowing it was a chemical thing.

It is so great to see her smile and watch her walk a little. No crutches to get in the way of hugs. We will have to do something with those things. Suggestions Anyone?

Happy Belated Holloween!!!